I have been so lucky with my boyfriend. Too many things have happened and he has stayed with me the whole time. We talk about everything and anything and we aren't afraid to talk about anything. Then, I can trust him with absolutely anything. My mom still drives me nuts. She will be sitting there with a baby that doesn't need to be held every second and demand for me to do things with her, which is absolutely ridiculous. I'll sit down and she'll make me do something. Sometimes I just want to run away and never look back. I never want to think of her ever again. My dad is fine. He treats me fair. I always say, "I'd rather be treated fairly rather then get things I want." My dad treats me fairly and he isn't wanting to know every fact of my life. People say 'oh, this is just a phase, your a teenager, you'll realize your mom was helping you and you'll say thank you one day.' I don't think that I'm going to thank her for hitting me repeatedly for a phone. A phone. A stupid fricking object because she wants to know every aspect of my life. I just want away. I want freedom. I want to be where I can do what I like to do without getting my mom's opinion on every little thing. Once my boyfriend gets a job and a car, I think I'm going to stay with my dad full-time. Then I'd be happy. Wait. Nope. That won't ever fricking happen!!! I have memories of Tucker, my Pug/Boston Terrier and Bubba, my schipperke. Tucker was my second dog, but the phone that made the biggest impact on my life. I got him when I was 7 and my dad gave him away when I was 12. The thing I cannot bear about it is that I never, ever even got to say goodbye. Now, Bubba, he was the second dog I got really attached to. I had him for a few months and he died from a stroke. He wasn't even a year old. The doctor said he probably had a weak heart. I still cry about Bubba a lot. We had a funeral for him. He is buried right next to the tree in our back yard. He was a little dog, yet he made such a big impact on me. Now, those aren't the only things that put pressure on my emotions and will forever.
The other things are the things I have done with guy. The first guy I was with, never dated me. Never showed any interest besides sexual attraction. The thing about this is that he is my boyfriends best friend. I lost my virginity to him and he was a total dick. After about 2 or 2 1/2 months, my mom thought I was pregnant and the pregnancy appeared to be positive. We called him to the house and we both started crying. I wasn't going to give the baby up, but, he thought I should give the baby up for adoption or get an abortion. He told me about his life. About his biological dad being in jail for child support and stuff like that and he was sitting there and he started crying. That fucked my life up forever. Almost three months later, I met my current boyfriend and we have been together since. 5 months into our relationship, his other friend told me that he was with his ex up at her house and that messed up my head. He wanted to sleep with me. But, I felt the need to get him back although he was innocent, but, I didn't know that at the time, so I went ahead and had sex with this one guy I had met the day before. He was 15, I was 13. I felt so stupid. I felt like shit. I wanted to die. I lived in secrecy up until about 3 or 4 months ago when I decided that I needed to tell him about it. He took it like it wasn't a big deal because I told him the full story and we're still together.
But, I need to go to bed. School tomorrow. I am not sure when I will be able to post again. Birthday and church tomorrow. Friends spending the night thursday. Cooking and cleaning Friday. Maybe more friends saturday. Church sunday. I really dont know. But, I am going to bed. So, bye.
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