Oh my god, this is driving me crazy..i need my tucker back..i didnt even get to say good bye to him and my dad just got rid of him while i was at school..i hated him for days on end..its still difficult for me and that was at least 3 years ago..i cannot get over this..my tucker..he is gone..im never going to see him again and i cannot face that..i know it's true, but, he was my baby..you'd probably say, oh, he's just a dog..but, you see, tucker wasnt just a dog to me..he was my best friend and, and, someone i could tell everything and he wouldn't judge me..i have so many good memories of him and now he's gone and those are painful to me..there was no closure..he just was gone one day and i just started bawling..i was freaking out, running through the house, calling his name..when i realized he was gone, i fell to my knees and to the floor..the tears just flowed out like the source of a stream..
I have been crying for the last half hour..i found a stocking i made him for christmas..the memories just crashed back into my head..why why why!!!! why did he have to go..why couldnt we have gotten him back before he went to North Carolina..i dont know how to fix this situation, it isn't like my other ones, there was closure there, not now, and i fear there never will be..he will die and i will get news and im gonna cry until there are no tears left..and then i will start throwing up..i know it..i just wanna scream for him right now and hope he will hear it and come back to me..we can run away forever..i could have my tucker back..
so, the screen is blurring up as my tears are running faster, so i need to get off..i am going to cry through tomorrow, hopefully i dont just start crying in school...that would be so embarrasing..it has happened before..maybe i should talk to my mom about seeing my school counselor.
Monday, April 19, 2010
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